8/24/16: Jaclyn Bradley Palmer, Michael Buble, Sabaton, Metallica

@@@ Jaclyn Bradley Palmer: The Dutch Sessions (Self-released, 2016).  Powerfully female folk rock I got to via the Indiepulse music blog.  If you sport an external appendage in your underpants be forewarned that there are a lot of feelings going on here.  Unabashedly as well.  The second tune, All That Might Have Been is an acoustic guitar strummer and it’s a song of lost love and again, many many feelings.  Let’s finish up this listen with the third tune, I Choose Joy.  As one would expect from a tune called I Choose Joy it’s a happy stomper with a tambourine.  When she’s down she chooses joy.  I’m not sure that makes a lot of sense but choose joy dammit.

@@@ Michael Buble: Nobody But Me (Gets Paid!) (Reprise Records, 2016).  I love the Buble and wailing upon him cuz he is a cheese slinger par excellence.  This is a snazzy little Elvis Presley-esque pop confection.  Not Fat Elvis either, snappy Elvis.  Would it be cheeky to call this bubbly by Buble?  Catchy is one thing, low IQ achiever is a whole nother.  This song is what it smells like when a rich old lady farts in an elevator and makes the elevator operator gasp.  He’s got an MC rapping on this tune, kill me!  I’m not going to finish this tune so hopefully he won’t get paid his 2/10ths of one slim cent.

@@@ Sabaton: The Last Stand (Nuclear Blast, 2016).  A heavy metal record I got to via the Apple Music heavy music section.  Power chord, synth blast, war chants, and cue the despair on my part.  I’m predicting an epic singer, a real rag tight around the dick type.  I am wrong as we get not a screamer but a serious intoner.  Wrong again! This first tune commemorates the final stand of Sparta vs. the Persians and I had no idea the Spartans had a last meal solely consisting of stinky cheese.  Let’s peep one more as this is painful.  I guess this is heavy metal.  Not the stuff I really like but heavy metal, it’s kinda Disney metal.  Mickey metal.

@@@ Metallica: Hardwired (Blackened, 2016).  A single off a full length due in November.  Oh how times have changed, Lars is wearing a hat on Apple Music because he’s bald as a baby’s dick.  The tune is an old school thrash bumper with Hetfield’s classic delivery — We’re so fucked, shit out of luck is the vocal hook.  Sing it brother.  I was going to say the mix sounds a little thin and the kick drum sounds like a sock full of dead rats but I thought I would check that up against other Metallica records.  I’m listening to Enter Sandman (1991) and it’s much thicker.  Same with Master of Puppets.  And back to this new track and it is just squashed to fuck, loud as shit but kinda clippy and stupid.  What can you do — it’s so fucked.  7.5 million views for this soggy squashed biscuit?  That’s fucked!

YTD recordings listened to: 677
Good music, not recommended for purchase: 377
Not good music: 248

Honorable Mentions: 12
Buys: 11

Possibles: Chris McGregor, Dave Arner Trio, Zomby, Retox, Defeater, Jonwayne, Okkyung Lee, The Ballantynes, Slidhr, The Chewers, Toxic Holocaust, Susie Iberra/Roberto Rodriguez, Lenguas Largas, The Coral, T.O.M.B., Fofoulah, Lozen, Erase Errata, Mastery, Leviathan, Hartley C. White, Weed, Cold Water, Janelle Monae, Luther Dickinson, Destruction Unit, Graeme Barrett, Fast Asleep, Goldlink, Cavanaugh, Gentleman Surfer, Satoko Fuji, Mystic Braves, Divanhana, Unrestrained, Moken, Systema Solar, Brian Eno, Juan Atkins, Drone, Lantern, The Lickshots, Twin Peaks, Djelimady Tounkara, Miramar, The Oh Sees, Denny Zeitlin, MILF, Changui Majadero, Joe Sticky, Vieux Kante, Keefe Jackson, Unfun

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